her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
