Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
