We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
