Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
