he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
