Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
