just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
