We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
