I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
