hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
