Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
