OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
