She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
