Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
