Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
