Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I forget how to act sober
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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