who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
