I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
