Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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