Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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