nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
