You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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