A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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