Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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