If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
