Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
