I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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