i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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