Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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