Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
