You're my little dorito
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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