Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
