So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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