I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
