just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
