I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
