i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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