I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
