This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
