I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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