Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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