I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
