I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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