just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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