You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
