i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
