I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
