I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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