I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
