Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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