really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
